Church Announcements

	Once in a blue moon, whether we like it or not, we change our physical location to some new and remote place. The last time it happened, we ended up in Milton, WA, a suburb of "tacky-oma". That time has come, once again. If you want to send us snail mail (as so few people do these days, despite its political correctness), you can now send it to P.O.Box 21, Hobart, WA 98025. Whee.
	In case you hadn't noticed (and who could blame you) The First Internet Church of Tina Chopp, Orthodox (this site) has several new URIs for your entertainment and enjoyment, including TinaChopp.Church, TinaChopp.Faith, and Tina-Chopp-Is.GD. They all point to this site, so there's nothing really new about the content, but the URIs are new.
	We suppose that it's probably necessary to anounce this, although it is bad news. The fact is, Saint Fred has died and gone to Planet X-38 to be with Tina Chopp and Osiris Ranebo unitl further notice, or until the end of the universe, whichever comes first. We're sorry, but that is all the information we have at this time.
	We are experimenting with the "text-to-movie" website XtraNormal for a potential future project. That project never happened, and XtraNormal is no more, but here is our work on that project.
	After 10 years of faithful service, Drizzle is no longer our host provider, due to massive incompetence and general surliness on the part of the "tech support" staff (which resulted in a two- or three-day interruption of service for those of you who were paying attention). Our new host provider is Hybrid Elephant. If you're glad that The Church of Tina is still around, thank our host providers by buying some incense or a devotional statue from them. Tina won't mind.
	A historical view of some of the first incarnations of The Church of Tina Chopp web site can now be seen at The Internet Archive, including the original version of the story of The Evil Anti-Tinite Who Shall Not Be Named, with all the relavent information that is now unavailable on our current site. And much of it is still true, and can be verified by anyone who is interested.
	You might also be amused by the flame-war that is going on at this very moment between The Church of Tina Chopp and a woman who decided that it was a mistake to leave herself logged in at a public terminal eleven years ago, and now wants us to take down the email that was sent to us from her account. Fat chance.
	We would like to announce, for the very first time anywhere, an actual piece of Tinite music, which has been recorded and sent to us. This is a 556,406 byte file in .mp3 format, thus a fairly short download regardless of your connection speed, and playable on all platforms that have the ability to reproduce sounds (i.e. if you don't have a sound card, you're out of luck). Enjoy, you sick fuckers!
	We are very pleased to announce The Spring 2002 Public Ritual Vegetable Sacrifice, which will be held on Sunday, the 26th of May, 2002 at eXit-38. For details, please see our web page, or contact The Church using our feedback form. We hope to see you there!
	One of our least favourite evil anti-Tinites, who started a flame war against us almost seven years ago and has been harrassing us ever since, is trying to cause problems again. so we re-designed our pages about her so as to avoid mentioning her real name. If you want the complete story, contact us and we probably won't give you the freely available, public information about her that pissed her off so much when it was posted on our web site.
	IMPORTANT NOTICE -- It has come to our attention that, between 28-NOV and 05-DEC-2001, some fucking-slime-ball-bastard-dog-dick (we know who you are) has been abusing our cgi scripts. Let it be universally known that we take a very dim view of such activities. If the people responsible for these actions still have network access (which isn't likely, since all of their activities were logged and reported to the appropriate authorities) they should take note that, aside from being illegal, it is extremely bad karma (which means "what goes around comes around," scumbag) and it is one of those activities which Tina Doesn't Like Very Much^®. If you still have network services enough to be able to read this, you should start looking for a new provider... maybe you can find one that'll sell you internet services while you're in jail, asshole!
	Thinking of becoming a "christian"? Here are a few good reasons not to.
	Well, we did it again - we had another Public Ritual Vegetable Sacrifice, on 14th October, 2001. And it went really well, too, although there weren't nearly enough people. We should hold these rituals more frequently. Is anyone else interested? If so, let us know!
	After almost a year of intermittent problems with our previous host provider, we now have a new Host Provider. Thanks very much to Drizzle Internet Northwest for taking us on with such short notice.
	The Church of Tina Chopp is very pleased to announce that Tina Shoes - one of The Church's original outreach tracts - is once again available in a printed format. These are great for giving to your friends, or your grandmother, and even better for leaving in phone booths, at bus stops, and under the windshield wipers of peoples' cars. With only a mere $1.50 American you, too, can obtain this highly valuable and unique collectors item. Contact The Church for more details! *Act Now!*
	Tina Shoes is the latest in an ongoing effort to transcribe The Church's print publications to an electronic format. It is one of The Church's original tracts.
	It's a little late (and not that we really like to brag that much anyway), but we discovered that The Church of Tina Chopp was reviewed by Miguelito Lovelace on October 29, 1999.
	If you've ever wondered what sort of things people submit to The Church of Tina by way of our feedback form, here's where you can find out.
	We are very pleased to announce the electronic re-publishing of Tina Magazine - The San Francisco Earthquake issue - The first in our upcoming series of electronic re-publications of historical Tinite documents.
	Many additions have been made to our Vegetable Sacrifce pages, the Bizarre Sex section, Rumours About Tina, and others. Enjoy, and Praise Tina!
	There have been some new additions to our Vegetable Resources page. Check 'em out!
	Once again, The Ritual of Vegetable Sacrifice was performed on 15 October, 2000 (era vulgaris, sorry). It was a different kind of ceremony this year. Don't miss the next one!
	Make Big Money and Be A Sleaze-Bag For Jeezis. Some bozo spammed us and our response is to pass the <ahem> "information" along to you, the faithful Tinite. As always, we take no responsibility for what you may chose to do with this "information".
	We are very pleased and excited to announce the discovery and interpretation of Canto 14 of The Book of Chrome Plated Romans -- The most accurate and up-to-date Tinite scripture in existance. Praise Tina!
	Along with the new domain, this web site is going to get an extensive re-design as soon as our beleagured webmaster can break free to do it. Expect changes, as you may have noticed, some changes have already taken place. Our goal is for every page to contain only 100% Tinite information, conveyed using only 100% valid HTML. Stay tuned for details.
	You may have noticed that The Church of Tina Chopp has moved to our very own domain, www.ebeneezer.net. Welcome to our new home!!
	The Church of Tina Chopp is pleased to announce the republication of The Books of Tina Chopp in a physical format. The new, softcover edition of the complete Books of Tina Chopp, with original graphics and scriptures not even found in the electronic version is now ready for the press, but due to the fact that Rev. DeLuxe just moved into a new house, the publication date has been moved back. The new edition of The Books of Tina 2000 will be on sale in the spring for only $15 usd (includes shipping & handling). Contact us now to reserve your copy.
	The Ritual of Vegetable Sacrifice was performed on 17 October, 1999 (era vulgaris, sorry). Read about the most recent public Tinite Ritual and possibilities for its future!
	You might be interested in our new, extensive Bizarre Sex Contributors' Area brought to you by... well... you!
	The Church of Tina Chopp in Bali wishes to announce The Sacred Zucchini Horn Ritual.
	The Church of Tina Chopp in Bali also wishes to announce the acquisition and naming of two adult Komodo Dragons (relatives of The Holy Snake), Billy and Ethel.
	The Tinite Rating System is a combination of things. On the web, it is a quick and easy way to identify "Tinite Friendly"^® web content. In your individual life it is a way you can evaluate and identify things which may or may not be useful to you. "Try it with your favorite toppings!"^®
	We have a page of Rings & Awards
	We have a page of Interesting Links which may or may not have anything to do with Tina Chopp. Subject to change on the whim of The High Priests of Tina.
	Saint Fred the NetGod is a Saint of The Church of Tina. If it weren't for Saint Fred, this web site would probably never have been born. Thanks Saint Fred.