Official Policy on Drugs

The Church of Tina Chopp has, on occasion, been accused of promoting the use of illegal drugs. We hereby categorically state that The Church of Tina Chopp absolutely does NOT recommend that people use illegal drugs. We also categorically state that we don't really care if someone uses drugs or not - that is their own, personal decision and The Church of Tina Chopp is not in the business of making personal decisions for people. Drugs have never hurt us, but we do know that some people can have problems with some kinds of drugs, so we figured it would be better if people made up their own minds about it. If you have a problem with this policy, go fuck yourself.

We have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that there is a very large difference between drug use and drug abuse. Responsible drug use includes taking the prescribed amount of a drug which has been recommended by a qualified medical practitioner, and it also includes having a glass of wine or beer once in a while. On the other hand, drug abuse can be anything from an overdose of heroin to driving drunk to addiction to laxatives - drug abuse can, and frequently does happen even when the "drugs" involved are perfectly legal: Examples include the millions of people whose health (and sometimes life) is negatively affected by addictions to tobacco... or even food! At the same time, the number of people whose health and/or life has been negatively affected by illegal substances such as cannabis (for example) is astoundingly small in comparison.

Thus, we have decided that the laws concerning the legal or illegal nature of certain substances, including drugs, and whether a person "uses" or "abuses" them are entirely pointless and useless, and that any decisions a person makes concerning them must, out of necessity, be entirely personal. Any attempts to impose your ethics on us will get you either ignored or made fun of, depending on how we feel at the time.

Finally, we would like to include this little pointer, which came to us by way of the alt.tasteless web site:

DRUGS  A recommendation: Take all, and in as large  quantities  as  possible.
  We  especially  recommend  Dimethyl Sulfate. Not only does it randomly
  unwind and reform your DNA profile, it has also "been known  to  cause
  spontaneous  cancerous  lesions in rats." The official warning contin-
  ues: "Extremely hazardous. No warning characteristics (e.g. odour, ir-
  ritation).   Delayed appearance of symptoms may permit unnoticed expo-
  sure to lethal quantities. Liquid produces severe blistering, necrosis
  of  the skin...  Vapours, after relatively asymptomatic latent period,
  cause severe inflammation and necrosis of the eyes, mouth, respiratory
  tract.  Severe  and  fatal pulmonary damage may result. Systematically
  causes prostration, convulsions, delerium,  paralysis,  coma,  delayed
  damage  to kidneys, liver, heart with ensuing death in severe cases" -
  "Have a big night on DMS and come home in a bucket."

Read about The Church's Raîson d'Être.